Parents and caregivers tell their children what to do countless times per day. I would know, I’m a mom too. 

Get dressed.  

Grab your cup.  

Wash your hands. 

Leave the dogs alone. 

Take that out of your mouth! 

And the list goes on. 

Children with autism have restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. Such patterns may manifest as insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or stereotypic use of objects. These preferences can make following instructions particularly difficult, especially when following instructions also involves temporarily pausing preferred play or activities.  

When telling your child to do something becomes difficult, you may be inclined to just take care of the tasks you’d like them to do. While this may help you accomplish your goals momentarily, missed opportunities to practice may be harmful in the long-term, when it becomes even harder for your child to follow your directions. With any new skill, practice is essential for your child to build the habits and understanding necessary for your child to follow any new instruction you provide them. 

The following tips may help you connect with your child and improve their willingness to follow your directions. 

Your words matter! 

Use statements, not questions 

Asking questions offers an opportunity for avoidance (have you ever had someone tell you “no” when you ask them to do something?) 

Use enough information that your child clearly understands the direction. This will help direct them into the desired response.

Minimize confusion by keeping your instructions short and sweet. 

Encourage the behaviors you want to see. 

Identify preferred behaviors. 

Specify the behaviors you want to encourage. 

Vary your enthusiasm 

If your child does something on their own with limited assistance, celebrate their success with enthusiasm. If your child required additional help and multiple reminders, offer praise and highlight the received as their response.

Praise the effort, not the result. 

Encourage your child’s hard work 

Practice! 

Start with easy tasks. 

Give your child instructions for things they are likely to comply with. 

Break it down. 

Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. 

Do the task together. 

New tasks can be daunting. Working together can make tasks easier and more fun! 

And finally, give yourself grace as you navigate compliance with your child (neurodivergent or not) and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.  Giving Instructions to Get an Actual Response was produced by Sarah Martinez, BCBA.

For personalized ABA services, tailored to your family, check out: ABA Autism Therapy Services Near You – Autism Learning Collaborative