Giving Instructions to Get an Actual Response
Parents and caregivers tell their children what to do countless times per day. I would know, I’m a mom too.
Get dressed.
Grab your cup.
Wash your hands.
Leave the dogs alone.
Take that out of your mouth!
And the list goes on.
Children with autism have restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. Such patterns may manifest as insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or stereotypic use of objects. These preferences can make following instructions particularly difficult, especially when following instructions also involves temporarily pausing preferred play or activities.
When telling your child to do something becomes difficult, you may be inclined to just take care of the tasks you’d like them to do. While this may help you accomplish your goals momentarily, missed opportunities to practice may be harmful in the long-term, when it becomes even harder for your child to follow your directions. With any new skill, practice is essential for your child to build the habits and understanding necessary for your child to follow any new instruction you provide them.
The following tips may help you connect with your child and improve their willingness to follow your directions.
- Grab their attention!
- Move closer to your child to ensure they can see and hear you.
- Get on their level so you are their primary focus.
- Make eye contact.
- Use a gentle tap or nudge to help the child orient and engage with you.
Your words matter!
Use statements, not questions
Asking questions offers an opportunity for avoidance (have you ever had someone tell you “no” when you ask them to do something?)
- Can you wash your hands?
- Wash your hands.
- Be specific.
Use enough information that your child clearly understands the direction. This will help direct them into the desired response.
- Clean up
- Put your Legos in their box.
- Use fewer words.
Minimize confusion by keeping your instructions short and sweet.
- Please take the time to carefully clean up all of your toys and put them back where you know where they belong.
- Please put your stuffed animals on the shelf.
Encourage the behaviors you want to see.
Identify preferred behaviors.
Specify the behaviors you want to encourage.
- “Good job”
- Thank you for sitting down in your chair for snacktime.
Vary your enthusiasm
If your child does something on their own with limited assistance, celebrate their success with enthusiasm. If your child required additional help and multiple reminders, offer praise and highlight the received as their response.
Praise the effort, not the result.
Encourage your child’s hard work
- That picture is beautiful.
- I’m proud of how hard you worked on your picture!
Practice!
Start with easy tasks.
Give your child instructions for things they are likely to comply with.
- “Sit in your chair” [for a highly preferred snack]
- “Put on your shoes” [to go play outside]
- “Give mom the book’ [to read together]
Break it down.
Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
- Get ready to go.
- Put on your shoes. Put on your coat. Pick up your backpack.
Do the task together.
New tasks can be daunting. Working together can make tasks easier and more fun!
And finally, give yourself grace as you navigate compliance with your child (neurodivergent or not) and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Giving Instructions to Get an Actual Response was produced by Sarah Martinez, BCBA.
For personalized ABA services, tailored to your family, check out: ABA Autism Therapy Services Near You – Autism Learning Collaborative.
